Beech Lodge private Nursing Home, Ireland
Talking With Elderly Parents
By Beverly Smallwood, PhD.
Delivering unpleasant news is never pleasant, and especially
if you’re talking with someone whom you love and
care for…like your parents. Plus, it’s awkward
because the roles are reversed and you find yourself
“being the parent”.
Spend some time preparing for your talk with parents
about changes that have become necessary…the fact
that it is no longer safe for them to drive, the necessity
of help in managing their finances, an impending move
to either an assisted living facility or a nursing home.
Think through the question, “What will this mean
to them? What will they perceive that they are losing?”
For instance, when you are preparing to assist in a
move to an assisted living facility or a nursing home,
anticipate the resistance that will come from their
belief that they are losing such things as independence,
contact with familiar surroundings, contact with family
members.
Plan to retain or replace as many of the material things
or emotional losses as possible. For instance, explore
ways to give as much independence as possible. In cases
of physical moves, surround them with family pictures,
treasured items, their own furniture when possible.
In your initial conversations, help them understand
the purpose of the changes you are proposing. Give factual
examples of incidents that indicate changes are needed.
For example, “When you were driving to the grocery
store Monday, I watched as you pulled out into the street
in front of a car. The car swerved and, thankfully,
you did not wreck. I’ve observed this kind of thing
several times.”
Preserve dignity and self esteem as much as possible.
Point out the things they can do. Normalize the fact
that response times for everyone get slower as the years
creep by. Recount the many times when you were growing
up that your parents gave you extra help when you needed
it, and affirm that they have well earned a little extra
assistance from you.
Meet objections calmly, verbally “reflecting”
the feelings they are expressing. You might say something
like, “I realize that it will be hard to have me
balancing your checkbook and paying your bills. You’ve
always done that, and have taken pride in doing it well.
I can understand how you might feel angry about my saying
that you need some assistance with that.”
Don’t expect their immediate buy-in to the change.
This takes time, and much of the adjustment to the change
comes after it is made. Sometimes, when you’ve
determined the change is necessary and you’ve tried
over time to compassionately introduce the change to
them, you have to “just do it”.
Give yourself compassion, too. Expect a myriad of emotions…such
as guilt, grief, or anger. These are normal. When you’ve
tried to do the right thing, when you’ve worked
at being caring as you share unwelcome news with your
parents… be kind to yourself. Realize that sometimes,
in order to be loving and do what is best for those
you love, you must do tough things. Encourage yourself
as you would a friend… “You’re doing
the best you can do, under the circumstances.”
Dr. Bev Smallwood is a psychologist who has worked with
organizations across the globe for over 20 years. Her
high-energy, high-content, high-involvement Magnetic
Workplaces (r) programs provide dozens of practical
strategies and skills that can be put to work immediately
to:
build strong leaders who influence and develop others
through serving;
energize, motivate, and retain team members;
successfully accomplish important organizational transitions;
and
impress customers and build their loyalty.
Review a complete list of her programs available for
your convention or corporate meeting at the website,
www.MagneticWorkplaces.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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